Reconnect, Day 1: Bounceback.

Watch us try to do this.

Well, if you look at the rules section above, Raegan and I have broken the rules spectacularly.

I’ve always been a little too good at that. Rules get broken or reinterpreted. I can’t build Lego sets, my Ikea furniture always has extra corners, and I used to insist that we were all supposed to ESCAPE from Candyland.

I guess the point of this post is that the original scope of this blog is unrealistic; if you’re living life, it’s nigh-impossible to find something worth reading to write about it every day.

And that’s why we’ve let this fall by the wayside, I guess. And a lot has happened in both our lives.

It’s been a few months worth of upheavals; of diseases, of friends and family in transition, of unexpected opportunities and staggering, weird setbacks. The weather changes with our moods and vice versa, and every day sort of feels like we’re waging war and/or tending towards the hyperbolic.

I think that’s maybe the point of these late-twentysomething years, as we come of age in a time when we realize that our country is no longer the superpower it once was, and everything sort of shifts and recongeals around us a little bit.

Maybe all I can promise is the writing here will be honest. And if there’s nothing good to say, we won’t say it.

We’re still marching towards thirty, we just need to find new ways to talk about it.

Fear, Day 21: “I Hope You Dance”

As you know, I am often inspired by some of my favorite songs.  I have a song for just about every mood that have come to me over the years.  One of these songs is LeAnn Womac’s song “I Hope You Dance.”  My sister once told me that it was her song to me.  I think it was because I was watching Footloose at the time, but I couldn’t help but think about that song tonight. 

When I find myself holding back from something because I am afraid I always think of the lyrics of the song.

When you get the chance to sit it out or dance,

I hope you dance.

 There will be a lot of changes in my life in the next couple of months.  I know in my heart that these changes are all for the better but that doesn’t keep me from thinking that I should just “sit it out” because I am afraid of change.  I think I will keep this song in mind to remind me to keep pushing forward or “dancing.”

Fear, Day 20: Getting Older

It is funny because I think this whole blog (for me at least) has been all about trying to overcome the fear of getting older and TURNING 30!

From day 1 of this blog, John and I have both been trying to improve our lives so that we are prepared to turn 30.  I hope that the things we work on in the coming months will help us both overcome our fear of turning that “scary age.”

More tomorrow…

Fear, Day 19: ABC (Part 3: C)

continued from yesterday…

I don’t know why it took me so long to figure out option C.  I have been going back and forth on the question of whether I should stay here in the city or go home to Texas.  Both options has its pros and cons and I was already leaning one direction.  I just had a few fears that were holding me back.

I realized that if the idea of moving back to Texas was really appealing to me this much that maybe I should give it a try.  It took me entirely too long how to settle my fears about moving home.  I have decided to sublet my room in my apartment for a few months while I return home.  That way if I find that I am miserable in Texas, I can always move back to the city.  I will still have my apartment here for me.  If after a few months I decide that I want to stay in Texas then I will have some money saved up to help cover moving costs.

I will miss my NYC friends but I can’t get over the thought that maybe this is what I am meant to do with my life. (I know it is completely different from anything else that I have ever done!)

I want to thank all of my friends for listening to me while I have been struggling with this decision.  I especially want to thank Matt for always being there, listening to my problems, and offering amazing advice.  You truly are a great friend.

Until tomorrow…

Fear, Day 18: The ABC’s (Part Two: B)

continued from yesterday…

Option B of course is to return home to Texas.  I love Texas and it will always be home no matter where I live.  My parents really want me to come home and help them with the guest ranch–which means that there would be a job for me—and there of course is the added benefit of being near my family who I miss so much.

The idea of Texas has been growing on me over the past couple of months.  What scares me is that if I were to go home, does that mean that I am a failure?  Who really wants to move in with their parents at the age of 27? 

Despite all that, I can’t get the idea of moving home out of my head.  What if this is what I am meant to do?  I keep daydreaming about the things that I would be able to do if I was in Texas. I am worried however that if I were to go I would soon realize that it is not what I had imagined it would be.

So the second question I have been asking myself is: Should I go home?

Now you are up to date (for the most part) on what I have been going back and forth on over the past several months.  There are pros and cons for either option and I have racked my brain trying to figure out which option is best for me.

To be continued…

Fear, Day 17: The ABC’s (Part One: A)

Last month during our month on “Getting It Together,” I wrote a very cryptic blog post about a decision that I needed to make. I promised that I would explain more later and now I am ready to start.

Ever since I was laid off earlier this year, I have been struggling with the idea of what I should do with my life.  Should I stay here or go home to Texas.  I have been doing a lot of soul searching trying to figure out was the best thing for me (option A or B).

Option A of course is to stay here in New York City.  Ever since I was 15 years old, I have wanted to live here in this city.  When I finally did move here (at the age of 26), I felt like my dreams were finally coming true.  I love this city so much; one of my favorite pastimes is just walking around the city.

What scares me about this option is that I am afraid that I will never be able to find another job doing what I want to do.  I am afraid that I will eventually have to take a job doing something that I don’t want to do and I will never be able to get back to what interests me.  I don’t want to be stuck in a rut for the rest of my life.

Things are hard here right now and (to be perfectly honest) I am not really happy.  How can you be so in love with a city but be unhappy there at the same time?—-Sorry to be a little down there.

So the first question I have been asking myself is: Should I stay?

To be continued..

Fear, Day 16: I’m okay

Some of my blogs posts recently have been just rants.  I just wanted to let everyone know that I am okay.  One of my best friends, Matt, sent me a message the other day because he was worried about me.  I am fine.  Thank you for looking out for me. 

Until tomorrow…

Fear, Day 15: Catching Up

Remember when I talked about the fear of missing out on things?  Well, I realized that the only way I could get over that fear was to ensure that I didn’t miss out.  I am headed out to Long Island today to see an old friend from college.  I haven’t seen her in almost a year and I can’t wait to see her.  I am tired of missing out on things with my friends.  Vern has a daughter who is eight months old who I have never seen before.  I hope to get to spend some quality time with her and her daughter this weekend.

Fear, Day 14: …

Busy, busy day.  Everything that I put on the back burner while I was working on the show is hitting me all at once.  I have been running around the last couple of days trying to get everything done.  The work stuff is starting to get to me.  I fear that I am running out of time to get all of this done.

The good thing is that I have also made plans to catch up with a lot of friends this week.  I can’t wait to see them all.  Got to go right now.

More tomorrow…

Fear, Day 13: Superstitions

Maybe it is because today is the 13th, but all I could think about today was superstitions.  I can be a very superstitious person sometimes; I think I get it from my mother.  When I was a kid, I saw my mother stop the car, turn around, and drive around the block because a black cat ran out from the alley right in front of the car!

Some say that superstitions are just old wives tales, but they do scare me.  The black cat crossing your path is a common superstition.  Did you know that you should not kill crickets because it is considered bad luck? That is one that my grandmother once told me.

Of course the theatre world has a lot of superstitions that we live by.  For example, you cannot say “Good Luck,” you should always say “Break A Leg.”  That is another common one that most people have heard of before.   Then there is the superstition about saying the name of Shakespeare Scottish play while in the theatre.  You never name it, you just refer to it as the Scottish play.

What are some of your superstitions?